//Works of Hope

Works of Hope

Neurocognitive disorder. Psychosis. Bipolar. Artist.

A journey of survival, strength, and acceptance leads to self-discovery. Lubna K Suboh creates captivating photos while challenging perceptions of ‘crazy’.

By Lisa Talley

Can’t. It’s a definitive verb with unimaginable stopping power, the likes of which the word ’impossible’ is its only competitor. In some instances, it is an undeniable truth, but more often than not, and unnecessarily so, it’s only a relative term we choose not to challenge. Instead, we accept its presence like some old stain we can never remove. And we’re forever making it synonymous with the words like ’disability’ and ‘mental illness’.

24-year-old Fresno-based artist, Lubna K Suboh, is throwing ‘can’t’ to the wind as they rewrite their own story in answer to the one usually given to those living with conditions like theirs. (No, that’s not a typo. Suboh is part of the LGBTQ community identifying as queer and trans with gender-neutral preferred pronouns of they/their/them. If you’d like to learn more about preferred gender pronouns [PGP], UWM.EDU/lgbtrc/support/gender-pronouns has a great breakdown of gender pronouns, why they’re important, and how and when to properly use them)

Diagnosed with psychosis, neurocognitive disorder, bipolar disorder, and PTSD to name a few, life for Suboh can take on an array of complicated shapes and sizes. There are breakdowns, seizures, delusional episodes, and crushing depression. But these aren’t the only definitions of living for them. Through the lens of Suboh’s camera, there is also art, beauty, and hope.

“I needed to make art to survive. I was in so much pain [because of] depression, rolling anxiety attacks, and PTSD [and] the only way I could relieve that pain was by creating art… it was my way to work through it and it became more healing than therapy,” Suboh shares in an interview. They emit a calm surety about themselves that is open, honest, and heartfelt, only sometimes wringing their hands together in a slight display of anxious nerves as they continue to tell their story.

“I would probably be dead by now, I never thought I’d make it past 18 years old [and] I feel grateful that I found photography as a medium.”

The art Suboh creates are blasts of captivating color, rooted in natural landscapes and past traumatic experiences. It’s not uncommon to find that the responses to their work tend to be an emotional one. The dynamic display of light and dark hits home to something personal for many.

“If you notice, I have a lot of shadows in my artwork along with a lot of light. Because of the contrast, some [people] gravitate to the shadows more than the light or vice versa, and they’ll say things like ‘I feel really depressed now’ or ‘I feel relieved’ or ‘I feel so calm’ after viewing the photos,” explains Suboh.

This kind of reaction with the audience is when Suboh feels the message has made its way through. Although photography has given Suboh an outlet in which to deal with their own set of conditions, it has also provided them with a unique opportunity to show the rest of the world what it’s like to be inside the mind of people like them.

“I have psychosis and it affects the way I see things. There are times that I think I’ve had a conversation with someone and I’ll approach them only to find out that the conversation never happened. It’s very disorienting… the photos are similar to what it’s like to experience psychosis,” Suboh continues.

Each piece of art is a culmination of up to 12 different photos Suboh has taken themself. The merging of each image is done by applying them with varying degrees of opacity, amongst other editing techniques. The result reflects a feeling of being pulled out of reality. There are elements of certainty, knowing what’s in the photo during the first look, but on the second glance, the viewer begins to find things that weren’t there before, challenging the notion and feeling of what’s true. Or as Suboh puts it, “[feeling] like they’ve dropped into another dimension.”

Creating a connection between mental illness and disabilities to their artwork is important to Suboh. At every mention of their diagnoses, they never falter or hitch on words like ’disorder’ and answer each question about their condition with complete ease, more than happy to educate on what seems to be considered a taboo subject.

“It took me a long time to come to terms with my disabilities, and I’ve even experienced overdosing on medication… I feel [as if] not enough of the people who are going through these sorts of things are talking about it. More representation is necessary [because] without it, things will never change,” Suboh addresses the stigma surrounding mental illness that keeps honest and continuing conversations about it from widely existing.

A disparity between individuals who suffer from mental illness and the rest of the world continues to persist in what Suboh considers a ’true understanding’ of persons experiencing mental disorders because of a lack of visibility. What exists now is a sense of pity, or disdain, that a person with mental illness is somehow a drain on society but Suboh is living proof that this does not have to be the only narrative, and they hope that through their work people will begin to change how they themselves perceive and understand those living with disabilities.

“You can be ‘crazy’, or whatever [the world] defines as ‘crazy’ and you can still play a role and be a part of society… I’ve poured my soul into my art and I want people to see that, to connect with me as well as the art,” Suboh goes on to explain that their art is also intended to reach the viewer on an intimate level. As the artwork is a display of their own world, it’s also a display of their own struggles and through it, the understanding of yours. “I want people to release whatever they’re going through… most of us are walking around with bottled up emotions trapped inside [and] I want this artwork to help heal that in some way.”

As Suboh continues to create art and promote visibility for those with disabilities, they also hold up their work as a beacon to those living with similar conditions to never lose hope for a new world of understanding. That one day, society will begin to hear and see them more clearly. “Because,” Suboh adds, “hope is something we all really need right now.”

With a full list of debilitating conditions that range from medical to the psychological, Suboh navigates each day like a journey without a road map. Sometimes it yields magnificent discoveries, and other times it’s a harrowing turn into the dark without a foreseeable end in sight. There aren’t always precedented methods in handling the exhausting weight of mental and psychological conditions, but in spite of it all, Lubna K Suboh is carving out their own path with bold, sweeping colors.

Lubna K Suboh

Lubna K Suboh was born in California, raised in Amman, Jordan during her early childhood and currently resides in Fresno. A self-taught photographer, Suboh utilizes both the digital and film platform.

Suboh will be featuring 50 original pieces in Bitwise Industries’ building beginning in November and the art will be displayed until January.

Follow Lubna K Suboh on Instagram @SubohOriginal, Flickr under Lubna Kamal Suboh (lsuboh4799) and Facebook.com/LubzzSuboh to stay up to date on new shows and artwork.

Along with photography, Suboh is also a poet with 7 self-published books out now. This, along with prints of their artwork can be found on Etsy under LubzzPotions available for purchase.